Dear younger self…

Do you ever think about the girl you used to be? I do. In the past, when I thought about my younger self, I had feelings of disgust. I felt shame, embarrassment, and self-hatred. All of those emotions were the effect of years of abuse and emotional trauma. It’s difficult to see yourself as something other than a trauma survivor, but it’s not impossible.

Let’s do an exercise! It may be uncomfortable, but we grow and become healthier when we step outside of our comfort zone. It’s so easy to bash ourselves and think negatively of ourselves, but let’s flip the script. I want you to take out a sheet of paper or your journal and write a letter of gratitude to your younger self. What ways can you honor yourself? It doesn’t have to be a long letter, just a few sentences or a couple of paragraphs.

I’ll share my letter with you.

Dear younger self,

I know life has been hard, and you endured much trauma. But today, I honor you for being strong and vulnerable at the same time. You were strong enough to confront the trauma and brave enough to be real, raw, and honest about your feelings. Your courage has inspired me to help others that have experienced sexual violence. It’s incredible to me that by the grace of God, you were able to forgive the people that molested and raped you. I honor you for being willing to let go of the hate, bitterness, and anger that was in your heart. I love that you have a zeal for life, and most of the time, you see the glass half full. Thank you for all the years of journaling and praying, even when you didn’t want to.

Thank you for never giving up. I respect you, and I love you. There is no other person I would rather be. You are beautiful, and I love your personality. One of the best decisions you made was to stop putting chemicals in your hair and allowing your natural hair to glorify God, lol. I love that you stopped hiding behind the veil of shame and self-hatred.

Please accept this letter of gratitude with humility and grace. Continue to grow into the person that God has created you to be because you are more than a trauma survivor.

Now, your turn!

I pray that you will take the time to love yourself and offer sweet words of kindness. I have learned that if I don’t pour into me, I won’t have anything to give to you from the overflow. Our bodies have been through a lot, and you don’t have to be embarrassed to honor yourself. On days when you don’t feel good about yourself, I encourage you to refer back to your letter and remind yourself that you are a fantastic person. We are not accepting ourselves despite the trauma, but because God’s word says:

13 For you formed my inward parts;

you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.

14 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

Wonderful are your works;

my soul knows it very well.

Psalm 139:13-14 (ESV)

I would love to read your letter of gratitude to your younger self. If you feel comfortable sharing, please email me at unveiledfacesmovement@gmail.com.

I will not share your letter or personal information.

Be blessed! God loves you.

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June 7 2020

What in the world?

There is so much happening in the world right now. And the weight of today’s society can take a toll on your mental, emotional, and spiritual health. I don’t know about you, but I’m exhausted. And it’s ok, to be honest with ourselves and others about our feelings. Amid a pandemic, racism, and police savageness lead to the murder of another, unarmed black man.

I have been thinking about what it is like to be a black woman in America. I have to admit it’s not easy because there are biased opinions regarding African American culture. I had to be honest about my views about my culture and face uncomfortable truths in my heart.

If we don’t repent to God and change our hearts towards one another, racism may never end. I find it interesting that God created the human race, but we created racism. We see color instead of seeing humans as unique individuals with an array of cultures such as; food, dance, hair, and numerous music styles.

Today, I walked to my local park and spent time in nature, and that was what I needed. I needed to ground myself and reconnect with my center. I had to remind myself that I am a black woman, but my identity is grounded and rooted in Christ Jesus. Afterward, I felt refreshed and hopeful about the condition of the world.

What do you need?

I encourage you to take time out for yourself. Take a break from social media and listen to your heart. Repent to God about preconceived notions you may have about another culture. Racism is a complicated topic, no matter what color your skin is. This blog is for women that have survived sexual assault.

Every woman!

Not just African Americans, but Asians, Caucasians, Mexicans, Indians, and every other woman that decides to read this blog. I wanted to make that clear because trauma does not have a color; it is a human experience.

Be Blessed!

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May 30 2020

Take a Deep Breath

From time to time, we all need to exhale.

Breathe in, breathe out, and relax your shoulders. Take a deep breath and exhale.

In 1995 one of my favorite movies flooded theaters all around the world- “Waiting to Exhale” The film was about four women that bonded over family issues, cheating husbands, and a host of other problems that women face. In the movie, each woman was trying to find their happy place.

One woman divorced her cheating husband; another opened herself up to a new romantic relationship; another realized her self-worth and broke it off with her married lover. They were searching for perfect circumstances or a person to allow them to feel safe enough to exhale. I’m not saying there is anything wrong with a healthy and loving relationship, but why do we need another person to be at peace with ourselves. Please take note that all of the women were looking outside of themselves for wholeness. One of the most important relationships is the one we have with ourselves. For us to love others well, we have to love ourselves first.

As a Christian, I follow this principle – 30 Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ 31 The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.‘ There is no commandment greater than these.” Mark 12:30-31 NIV

I used to say, “I’ll be happy when I lose 20 pounds. I’ll be happy when I graduate from college. I’ll be happy when I am no longer dealing with the pain from sexual trauma. I’ll be happy when I get married.” One day, I realized my happiness was on hold, and it was situational. I based my pleasure on everything outside of myself. I now believe that satisfaction is a state of being or a state of mind.

What if those things never happen? If we base our happiness on our circumstances, we may risk living a life of depression. We may even feel like a failure because we have yet to achieve the things we think are going to bring us happiness. The fact that we are on a journey of healing shows that we value ourselves.

Be happy about that!

I challenge you to take inventory of your life and think about the areas that are on hold because you are waiting for a situation to bring you happiness. If you would like to drop a few pounds, continue to work on your goal but love and appreciate the body that you have now. If you have a desire for marriage, while you are single, get to know yourself and fall in love with you. Continue to do the work and allow yourself to heal from past traumas.

In Waiting to Exhale, one of the characters slow danced with a man, pretended he was perfect, closed her eyes, and exhaled in his arms.

We do not have to pretend.

Life is hard. Healing from sexual trauma is extremely difficult, but we can choose to exhale right now. I ask you to take a moment close your eyes and hug yourself.

Breathe in. Breathe out- Exhale.

Be Blessed! God loves you!

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May 23 2020

Pieces of Me

I like to think about my life as a puzzle. On the contrary, It’s more complicated than a 5000 piece jigsaw puzzle. Jigsaw puzzles are typically beautiful gardens, birds enjoying nature, or a picture-perfect cottage. Maybe it’s my lack of exposure, but I have never seen a sad and disturbing puzzle. Who would want to sit for hours and put that puzzle together? But the puzzle is not complete without all of its pieces.

Just like our lives!

I think of my past trauma as a few puzzle pieces that add to my life as a whole. And no good story can be told without a little bit of drama. I could not control the pieces that were created, but I am the one sitting at the table, putting the pieces of the puzzle together. To some, it may be strange, because I have learned how to embrace all of me. Although it is not easy, I realize I can’t accept the happy memories without embracing the traumatic ones too. Because that would not be a complete and accurate picture of who I am. I am a beautifully complicated woman with many sides to my personality. But isn’t that the human experience: the good, the bad, and the ugly dark pieces.

I encourage you to take a moment and look at your pieces!

Without the pain and trauma, I may not be as compassionate and empathetic to my fellow survivors; I can pull love and hope from the pain and share it with you. Without the feelings of rejection, I may be a “mean girl” that builds up my self-esteem at the expense of being hateful and judgmental to others. We are all made up of different pieces. I encourage you to embrace all of you. Horrible things were done to you, but you are not a bad person. You did not deserve to be molested or raped, but what happened to you did not change your worth or value. And it does not have to ruin your life. Look at the different pieces of your life and smile, and cry if you need to.

Embrace all of you because that is what you deserve!

Be blessed!

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May 17 2020

Hi There!

I’m checking on ya! I hope you’re doing well!

How do you unwind?

I have been reading books and listening to inspirational music. Also, I just binged watched season 18 of Keeping up with the Kardashians. Don’t judge me, lol. At times, I tend to be an overthinker and very analytical. I decided to allow myself to unwind and relax for a moment. It’s easy to feel like you are productive when we have a crazy busy schedule and late nights. But I am learning the importance of being proud of myself regardless of how productive I feel. Relaxing and unwinding are just as important as grinding.

We have to allow our minds and bodies to rest and restore. Sometimes, we overload our schedule because we don’t want to spend time with ourselves. Learn how to relax in your own company.

What books have you been wanting to read, but never had the time? Do you need a nap? When was the last time you have given yourself a mani-pedi? Bake your favorite cookies or brownies. Spend time in prayer or read the Bible.

Today, I challenge you to do something kind for yourself and allow yourself to rest.

Be blessed.

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May 9 2020

You Are Worthy!

Have you ever felt like an unloved outcast? I sure have. The truth is most of us have felt misplaced at some point in our lives. Imagine standing in a room full of people, and everyone is laughing and talking, and more than anything, you want to feel accepted. I used to feel like when someone looked at me, all they could see was a woman that had been molested and raped. I had a veil of shame on my face. I’m sure many of you can relate. The Bible describes a similar situation. Please read the story below about a woman, who was labeled by her past. We don’t know her name, but we know that Jesus loved her.

³⁶When one of the Pharisees invited Jesus to have dinner with him, he went to the Pharisee’s house and reclined at the table. ³⁷A woman in that town who lived a sinful life learned that Jesus was eating at the Pharisee’s house, so she came there with an alabaster jar of perfume. ³⁸As she stood behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. (The sinful woman knew that Jesus was a healer) Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them. (She wanted to honor his position) ³⁹When the Pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to himself, “If this man were a prophet, he would know who is touching him and what kind of woman she is—that she is a sinner.”

⁴⁰Jesus answered him, “Simon, I have something to tell you.”
“Tell me, teacher,” he said.

⁴¹“Two people owed money to a certain moneylender. One owed him five hundred denarii,^[a] and the other fifty. ⁴²Neither of them had the money to pay him back, so he forgave the debts of both. Now which of them will love him more?” (Jesus was saying that he forgives all people, no matter what we have done. No sin is unforgivable)

⁴³Simon replied, “I suppose the one who had the bigger debt forgiven.”
“You have judged correctly,” Jesus said.

⁴⁴Then he turned toward the woman and said to Simon, “Do you see this woman? I came into your house. You did not give me any water for my feet, but she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. ⁴⁵You did not give me a kiss, but this woman, from the time I entered, has not stopped kissing my feet. ⁴⁶You did not put oil on my head, but she has poured perfume on my feet. ⁴⁷Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—as her great love has shown. But whoever has been forgiven little loves little.”

⁴⁸Then Jesus said to her, “Your sins are forgiven.”

⁴⁹The other guests began to say among themselves, “Who is this who even forgives sins?”

⁵⁰Jesus said to the woman, “Your faith has saved you; go in peace.”

Luke 7:36-50 (NIV)

The Pharisees were people that nowadays we would call haters. They were hating on the sinful women. Let me embellish about her past. I would imagine that she was molested and raped; as a result, she lost all respect for herself. She did not believe she had worth as a woman. She was not self-aware, and she had no idea how to set healthy boundaries—hence the fact she invited herself to dinner and cried all over the guest of honor’s feet. She spent all of her life looking for love in all the wrong places, which caused more trauma and pain.

The Pharisees thought they were better than the sinful woman. And they wanted Jesus to follow suit, but he didn’t. Jesus asked Simon, the Pharisee, “Do you see this woman?”

Jesus did not see her sin; he saw beyond her past to who she really is. He was not offended by her past and the trauma she had endured. He saw her as a woman worthy of love and healing! Simon was so busy trying to impress Jesus that he did not treat him with the customary rituals of that time period.

The bottom line is, Jesus loves you too. Don’t allow the mistakes of your past to keep you from giving your heart to Jesus. He loves you no matter what trauma you have endured, and no matter what you have done. He is eager to heal you from your past. Jesus is not a hater; he is the lover of our soul.

Be Blessed.

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May 3 2020

How are you?

I hope all is well with you! I am doing well, myself. I have a question for you? Do you write in a journal? I highly recommend it. Journaling played a significant role in my healing process. My journal became my trusted friend. We can be honest when we write down our thoughts, feelings, and dreams because, most likely, we are the only ones that will see what we have disclosed.

Over the last ten years, I wrote down every dark memory that I could remember as a way to help me process the trauma that I had endured. I also documented my conversations with my therapist and the ups and downs of healing. My journals were raw and gut-wrenching, but I always felt a sense of relief once I took everything from my mind and splattered it all over the blank pages of my journal.

I recall a time when I literally wrote for 5 hours, yes, 5 hours. After my therapy session, I had a lot of emotions that I needed to process. It was a freeing experience because I connected with myself on a deeper level. I allowed myself to hear my voice, and that was rewarding; I did not realize I was showing myself compassion.

Since we are still under the stay at home order due to COVID-19, I decided to brainstorm about how I could freshen up my journaling experience. I decided to create a positivity journal! I thought about my past experiences, but I did not focus on the pain and sadness. Instead, I thought about the positive things I learned about myself. I was amazed at how much this exercise changed my view of myself. Some times we get stuck in seeing ourselves as a victim, but we are bold, brave, and we made a decision to get back up after life knocked us down.

I’ll share a few of my journal entries and what I learned about myself!

I have an incredible will and desire to live.

I am resilient; I can bounce back from anything.

I am a woman of faith, and God was with me every step of the way. I learned how to be honest with God about my feeling and emotions.

I realized that I loved myself enough to invest time and money in my mental health and healing. I was determined to take my like back.

I don’t need the approval of others to live my life. I am good enough.

My last point is, I am grateful for the time I spent in a support group for sexual assault survivors. I know that may sound strange, but hear me out. There is a special bond that we had; we encouraged one another, and we wanted to see one another overcome the pain. We helped one another and provided a tremendous amount of support. I don’t know about you, but I did not learn essential life skills as a child, such as boundaries, self-respect, and red flags to be aware of when a person is displaying early signs of abuse or control. During our group sessions, we had the privilege to learn those skills, and that created confidence in me that I may not have developed if I was not a part of that group.

Hopefully, this will encourage you to see what positives you can take from your experiences. I know it may be difficult, but we all have something to be grateful for. Even if the one positive in your life is the fact that you are still alive! That is something worth celebrating because your life has value and meaning!

Be blessed. God loves you!

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April 26 2020

Your Life Matters

So often, the world places the value of life on wealth, appearance, and the number on the scale. Or the size of our bank accounts. Not to mention the pressure that women feel if they are still checking the “single box” on an application. When you add childhood sexual abuse and rape to the equation, you have the perfect recipe for low self-esteem and a lack of confidence in oneself.

I have struggled with self-esteem and confidence most of my life. As a child, I never felt like I was good enough, and I thought the reason for my existence was to be traumatized and abused. I have memories of the neighborhood children taunting me because I walked with my head hung down to the ground. I felt worthless and invisible. Those feelings were magnified after I was sexually assaulted as an adult. As a result, I tried to find my value in men. I searched all over looking for a man to love me and make me feel better about myself.

Unfortunately, I was left dissatisfied after every failed relationship. Each relationship left me feeling more emptier than the last. I was broken and depleted of any sense of worth and value. I was exhausted from searching for the love I desperately needed. I was tired of allowing men to use my body and then reject me after they got what they wanted. I hit rock bottom; I was alone with myself. I started daydreaming about ending it all. I did not see a reason for me to live, and I did not think my life mattered. I used to think of the different ways I could end my life. I was in a real dark place.

Eventually, I started seeing a therapist, but therapy was so hard. It was so difficult to talk about the pain of my past week after week. I began to doubt my decision to seek help from a counselor; I questioned why I was fighting so hard to stay alive. What is on the other side of this pain? Is it worth it? With all of my unanswered questions, I decided to continue seeing a therapist. I also started watching Christian sermons online. One day, the Pastor spoke about the love that Jesus Christ has for us. That really got my attention, because as I mentioned, I was looking for someone to love me. But I did not understand how an invisible Jesus could love me, and why would he want to.

I thought to myself there is no way Jesus could ever love me. I was buried in shame and guilt from my past trauma. I was ashamed of the things I had done in the search for love. I was tainted, broken, and unloveable. Or at least that is what I believed. But that was a lie. I started to read the Bible; I read scriptures like For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. John 3:16 KJV I did not know what that meant, but I understood that God loved me so much that he sent his Son Jesus to die for me, for us. I wanted to know more. I started to read the Bible and attend Church services regularly.

One day I walked to the altar and dedicated my life to Jesus. I received him in my heart by saying a simple prayer. I am a sinner. I repent from my sins, and I ask for forgiveness. I believe that Jesus died on the cross to pay for my sins. Jesus, I ask you to come into my heart. Please lead and guide my life. Please be my source of hope, love, and deliverance. By faith, I accept you as my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. (You can pray this simple prayer as well, and your life will never be the same).

Slowly, my emptiness went away, internally I was fulfilled. All along, I was looking outside of myself for love and wholeness. I needed to get alone with Jesus and allow Him to fill me with his love. I did not have to earn his love; his love is freely given. In retrospect, I realize it was not that I wanted to die, but I was tired of feeling. I was familiar with the feeling of pain, and I wanted that feeling to go away. I am not saying that a life with Jesus is pain-free or even comfortable. But it makes all the difference in the world to know that someone loved me enough to die for me.

My life has a new purpose and a new vision. What if I would have given up? What if I would have committed suicide? I would have never known the love and healing that was available to me. I pray that you will give yourself a chance to see what is on the other side of your pain. Please don’t give up! The world needs you. Your life has purpose and value, and it is not based on your marital status, bank account, or your degrees. You are valuable because “For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.” Ephesians 2:10

Be blessed

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April 19 2020

Power Hour

Hi Sis,

I wanted to offer some much-needed encouragement during these times of uncertainty. For many of us, the Coronavirus created a new normal; we had no choice but to adjust to a new way of living. Some people lost their jobs, group counseling has been postponed, and individual therapy sessions are held via telephone or Zoom. We did not have time to prepare for the chaos that COVID-19 would bring. Nothing seems stable, and no one knows when this health crisis will end.

Amid fear and chaos, we have to remember that our stability comes from within. When the world is spinning out of control, we must hold onto what we can control. We can control our response. Remind yourself that you have been through worse. Yes, COVID-19 is scary, but this virus does not hold a candle to what we face as trauma survivors.

I have struggled during this pandemic, and I had to remind myself that I am a survivor in every sense of the word; better yet, I am an OVERCOMER. I had to pinpoint my issues by asking myself questions…. Where is your faith in God? Are you drinking enough water? Are you getting enough sleep? How are you handling your anxiety? Are you meditating? Are you praying? What types of food are you eating? Pay attention to yourself. This is not the time to lose it. You are bold and brave. This pandemic is an excellent opportunity to see how far you have come in your healing journey.

Once I identified the areas of lack of self-care, I made the necessary adjustments. While attending group therapy, I struggled with spending time with myself and ensuring all of my needs were met. I created what I call the “Power Hour.” The power hour is a great way to intentionally take care of our bodies, mental health, and spiritual needs daily. Of course, if you don’t have an hour to spare, that’s fine too. Do what you can, but be intentional about loving yourself. We are responsible for ourselves.

Here is an example of what my power hour may look like.

The goal of the power hour is to spend one-hour doing activities that will add to you as a person. For instance, allow yourself 15 minutes for each activity. Of course, you can divide your time however you like. Some activities may take longer than others; sometimes, I exercise for the whole hour. This is meant to be a fun activity, but it is also helpful if you want to use this time to face unpleasant triggers and emotions. Make this personal to you. There is no right or wrong way to do this. The power hour has changed my life, and I look forward to spending that time with myself. I pray that you find it helpful as well. Remember, no one knows what you need more than you.

Take care! 🙂

Be Blessed God loves you.

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April 19 2020

“And we all, with unveiled face, continually seeing as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are progressively being transformed into His image from [one degree of] glory to [even more] glory, which comes from the Lord, [who is] the Spirit. ” 2 Corinthians 3:18 AMP

Trigger Warning

***Please be kind to yourself; the content on this site may trigger your trauma responses. ***

I am a sexual assault survivor; Unveiled Faces blog desires to support and encourage survivors of sexual assault. Women who have experienced this trauma often isolate themselves because of shame, depression, fear, and guilt.

In the beginning, I did just that until I realized I was living in a dark hole by myself, but I did not have to. I aim to encourage and foster hope in your heart, speak life into you, and share many testimonies about how I overcame. Please come along on this journey with me! Let’s unveil the shame of our past together and learn how to live again. We can take control of our lives. Happiness and healing are possible.

I look forward to growing with you.

Be blessed. God loves you!

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***Trigger Warning***

Trigger Warning