***Please be kind to yourself; the content on this site may trigger your trauma responses. ***
I am a sexual assault survivor; Unveiled Faces blog desires to support and encourage survivors of sexual assault. Women who have experienced this trauma often isolate themselves because of shame, depression, fear, and guilt.
In the beginning, I did just that until I realized I was living in a dark hole by myself, but I did not have to. I aim to encourage and foster hope in your heart, speak life into you, and share many testimonies about how I overcame. Please come along on this journey with me! Let’s unveil the shame of our past together and learn how to live again. We can take control of our lives. Happiness and healing are possible.
I look forward to growing with you.
Be blessed. God loves you!
Category: My Passion |
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Have you ever found yourself in an unhealthy cycle or pattern? Most of us can say yes to that question. Sometimes, we become accustomed to pain and dysfunction. It is easy for survivors of abuse to fall prey to unhealthy and toxic behaviors or relationships. I found myself in a highly unhealthy relationship with a toxic person. I was so confused and did not understand why I kept allowing this person access to my life.
One day, I realized I was trying to win their approval, like I tried to convince my father that I was worthy of his love. I learned a valuable lesson. I kept entertaining this relationship because the disrespect I allowed was familiar, and although it was distressing, it was all I had ever known. Mistreatment was my norm; despair had become my protection. If I were not experiencing relational pain, I would panic. I became addicted to abuse, and this person consistently gave me my fix.
The pattern continued until I was ready to face my dysfunction. Like all people with an addiction, I would vow that it was over, and I would try my best to move forward. Nevertheless, the withdrawals dominated me, and I would end up back in the same cycle.
I had to take responsibility for my life and stop allowing myself to be broken into a million pieces. We are not responsible for the trauma, but we are responsible for our healing. In order to heal, we cannot see ourselves as victims because we are overcomers, and we are much stronger than we presume.
Allow God to reveal the root of your brokenness and walk away from unhealthy relationships. Make room for divine connections; you will not be sorry.
I am the Vine; you are the branches. The one who remains in Me and I in him bears much fruit, for [otherwise] apart from Me [that is, cut off from vital union with Me] you can do nothing. John 15:5 AMP
Wow! I cannot believe 2022 is halfway over! Generally, around this time of the year, I would reflect and look for opportunities to be more productive, but I am in a different place now. I am seeking opportunities for more ways to cultivate joy! For many of us, the past few years have been difficult.
I have come to realize that no matter what obstacles we face, life goes on – it has to. We all have responsibilities and commitments that we have to keep, but it is also imperative to have a healthy balance. If we put all our focus on work, we risk resenting the process and the life we created for ourselves; burnout will slowly creep up on us.
Burnout will rear its ugly head in our health, attitude, emotions, and spiritual life.
On the other hand, if we fool around and allow our responsibilities to fall by the wayside, we risk the sad reality of never reaching our goals and full potential. Yikes! So, what is the solution? I am still learning too. I am growing right along with you! I do not claim to have all the answers, but I am committed to having a balanced life. Creating downtime is just as important as working hard.
As I have said in many of my posts, we must care for ourselves holistically.
You know where you are on your journey. You know what adjustments need to be made. Nevertheless, you are in control of what choices you make to ensure a healthy and productive life. The Bible talks about a woman that laughed without fear of the future. She was married and a mother; she had a ton of demanding responsibilities, but she did not allow the demands of life to keep her from fully living and experiencing life in its entirety. (Please refer to Proverbs 31)
Ask yourself, are you out of balance? Do you take time to enjoy the beauty and joy that surrounds you? What small changes can you make today to take care of yourself holistically? Be honest with yourself. Please do not feel condemned; that would defeat the purpose of the exercise.
10 For we are His workmanship [His own master work, a work of art], created in Christ Jesus [reborn from above—spiritually transformed, renewed, ready to be used] for good works, which God prepared [for us] beforehand [taking paths which He set], so that we would walk in them [living the good life which He prearranged and made ready for us]. Ephesians 2:10 AMP
As a little girl, I was fascinated by watching my mom put chemical relaxers in her hair. She wanted straight and sleek hair. As I grew older, I outgrew ponytails and begged my mom to put a relaxer on my hair.
I wanted to be like her! She declined my requests for several months, saying things like:
“you don’t need a perm.”
“you are too young.”
“your hair is pretty already.”
Nevertheless, I would not let up. I guess she grew tired of my grumbling and pleading; she gave in. I was thirteen when I got my first chemical treatment. My hair was long and bone straight. I loved it! I could not stop looking in the mirror at my flowing tresses.
But then something happened. I grew tired of maintaining
chemically treated hair.
I started to desire curly hair. It became an obsession. I put rollers in my hair and sat under the dryer for hours to have curly hair. I wore curly-haired wigs and would do anything to manipulate my hair to have a curl pattern.
And one day…
I stood in front of the mirror, examined my hair, and
decided to cut out the perm. I had tons of new growth since I kept my hair in
cornrows.
To my surprise, my natural hair started to curl up as I continued to allow the perm to grow out! I had naturally curly hair all along! My curls are free and flowing with grace and elegance. Each coil displayed its uniqueness.
This is a true story, lol.
In all seriousness. How often do we search outside ourselves, looking for something we already possess? We look for love in all the wrong places and often end up wounded. We look for the next big thing or event to help us feel good about who we are. In hindsight, if I had taken the time to get to know myself, examine my unique qualities, and embrace my God-given beauty, I would have saved myself years of trying to fulfill a desire God had already blessed me with.
I am not making light of your desires, but I suggest you get to know yourself. I’d like you to learn how to embrace what makes you peculiar.
Allow yourself to love who you are before you jump the gun searching for love, acceptance, and curly hair 🙂
You may realize that once you learn to accept yourself, you will no longer run the race looking for acceptance and affirmation from other people. Allow God to affirm you and be who you were created to be. You may be surprised by who you are!
Be blessed. God loves you!
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I know I have been missing in action, but life happens to us all. Nevertheless, if you are a believer, everything works together for our good!
And we know [with great confidence] that God [who is deeply concerned about us] causes all things to work together [as a plan] for good for those who love God, to those who are called according to His plan and purpose. Romans 8:28 AMP
Many of us set New Year resolutions and goals this time of year. I am going to lose 30 pounds this year! New year new me! And a host of other well-meaning clichés.
My goal is not to discourage you; instead, I offer
encouragement to make your goals a reality. I, too, used to write a laundry
list of resolutions, and two weeks into the new year, my old habits would creep
in.
I realized I needed to change my thinking to change my
life and achieve my goals. The Bible says, “And do not be conformed to
this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove
what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of
God.” Romans 12:2 NKJ
The best thing we can do is allow God to change our minds and behaviors; naturally, our life will begin to change.
For starters, spend time reading the Bible. Pray and ask God for direction. Read books that align with your goals and journal. Observe what you are thinking about. Frequently, our emotions affect our thinking, so paying attention and being honest with ourselves is necessary. All of this takes time, but most importantly, be consistent. Be kind to yourself; however, do not make excuses for lack of discipline.
Make changes one step at a time, and eventually, you will see progress. We got this!
One of the most challenging things in this current season of my life is learning how to surrender to God’s will and his perfect plan – especially when the path is not clear. I have always been inquisitive. I have an intense desire to know and to understand.
I do not always know how to get from point A to point B; this is highly uncomfortable. I do not always understand the ups and downs of life, relationships, and friendships. Although I sometimes feel like I’m being crushed like an olive in the olive press. I have the tenacity to believe that all things are working together for my good.
Life is a beautiful journey filled with valley and mountain top moments. Although the valley is the most challenging place to reside, it is the most fruitful. You see, God uses the valley to build our character, develop our intimacy with him, and strengthen our faith. A valley is also a place where we build endurance, new behaviors, and healthier mindsets. None of this is easy because we cannot control how long we will live in the valley.
As I attempt to surrender, I am seeking God for the lesson plan– I know he holds the answer key to my life. I offer the image of my life that I had in my mind to God, and I accept his predestined plans for me.
Is this easy?
NO.
But I desire to please God more than my selfish desires.
What do you need to surrender? Do you need to submit to the healing process? Do you need to repent and turn away from willful sin? Whatever it may be, ask God to help you and give you the strength to relinquish your false sense of control and trust him. Believe that he loves you more than you could fully understand.
God is our creator; he created us for a particular purpose. I choose to believe that his plan is far greater than anything I could conjure up.
We all are in a valley of some sort. Let me encourage you just as much as I need to be encouraged. Continue to trust God; do not ever give up. No matter how complex your circumstances may be, we always have something to be grateful for. If you feel like you cannot think of anything – be thankful for reading comprehension- because you just read this post. Sometimes it is the simple things that we overlook.
Frequently, those of us who have been affected by trauma have a difficult time expressing and receiving love. At least this has been true for me – sometimes, the idea of allowing myself to be vulnerable enough to receive love and return the same gesture makes my palms sweaty, my mouth dry, and my heart even races.
I realize those reactions are trauma responses; my brain goes on high alert and warns me that I must take shelter and protect myself from the invasion of imminent love. This feeling can be active even if love is what we desire. At the essence of our being, we all yearn to be loved, understood, and accepted for who we are.
Most likely, in some way, you have been affected by trauma. Trauma survivors have an obscured view of what love is. Often our abusers told us they were misusing our bodies because they “loved” us, or a physically abusive man acts out in rage in one moment and professes his love the very next.
As I mentioned in a former post, I have been on my healing journey for quite some time. I have healed and evolved in many ways. Recently, I made a deliberate decision to allow myself to experience the exchange of love. This was not an easy decision, but I have overcome so much of my past, and I am determined that the trauma I have endured will not hinder me from experiencing the fullness of life.
Love is a human experience.
We must embrace every emotion – pain, grief, enjoyment, pleasure, and the like. I know this all sounds terrifying because it is. To allow ourselves to be loved and seen, we must be vulnerable and live an unveiled life.
Take inventory, self-reflect, and think about where you are on your journey. Of course, use wisdom, do not allow yourself to be in an abusive situation for the sake of love or force yourself before you are stable in your healing.
Ask yourself: Are you ready to step out from behind the shadow of your pain and welcome love into your life? Please do not count yourself out – a traumatic past does not mean you are not worthy of love. It means you need to allow yourself the time and space to heal, learn to love yourself, and then let yourself love others.
I will be the first to admit that this is easier said than done, but I would rather allow God to heal my brokenness and welcome love into my life with open arms. I refuse to let the venom and toxicity of my past strip me of an incredible life immersed in love, joy, and healing.
I know we have endured our fair share of pain, but a heart that does not know pain is also a heart that does not know love. When we stifle one emotion, we stifle every emotion. In the best way possible, allow yourself to be overwhelmed by love.
The first step is to accept Jesus into your heart – give yourself to him.
Be Blessed! God loves you.
Category: My Passion |
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We all struggle with fear from time to time in our lives. At what point do we say enough is enough? Fear shows up in many ways – perfectionism, procrastination, and indecisiveness. Fear can be paralyzing; we may never move forward and achieve our goals or desires.
Honestly, I have been thinking about things in my life that I have been allowing fear to stifle. And you know what? I am tired of wasting time. Life is so short; time waits for no one. Can you believe we are quickly approaching 2022? I know COVID-19 slowed many of us down; maybe it was necessary to help us regroup and think about our lives, decisions, and options.
Life is such a God-given gift- How will we use our lives to honor him with the many talents he bestowed upon us?
What plans or opportunities would you pursue or say yes to if you believed you could not fail? It may be time to view failure from a different perspective. Failure is our most excellent teacher. Mistakes are how we grow and sharpen our skills. Life would be dull if we never made a mistake or took a risk that makes us nervous. Of course, I am talking about a healthy risk- for instance, returning to school, starting a business, or telling someone you love them. We allow fear to make us miss out on life-changing experiences.
I know I threw many questions at you, but I am asking myself the same things. What do I want out of life? Am I willing to do the work and learn new skills to accomplish my goals? Let us finish out the year strong! We are capable, strong, and intelligent human beings. I am determined that my history of trauma and abuse is not how my story ends – the same can be true for you. Do not give up on God’s plan and purpose for your life. Nothing will be wasted.
The bible says, “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28 KJV
Category: Hello Survivor |
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Have you ever felt like you were drowning in emotions and traumatic thoughts? There was a time in my life when it seemed as if no matter how fast I tried to swim to avoid the overwhelming waves of emotions, I was constantly overtaken by the current. My feelings left me drenched and gasping for air, yet I was desperate to make it to the shore (healing).
I would reevaluate my stride and make necessary adjustments. Did I need to pray more fervently? Was my therapist a good match? Did I need to update my reading material?
Then I would take a deep breath and start my journey with my new plan.
For a moment, I felt confident with my newfound skills. Still, I was unprepared for what happened next- my soul erupted. Every traumatic thought created all the elements needed for a perfect tsunami. I tried to silence the thoughts with food, shopping, and traveling- I became desperate to survive the whirlwind of thoughts that crashed against my amygdala.
However, then again, it was too much to bear.
The tsunami of emotions and thoughts had overtaken me, but simultaneously, pushed me closer to the shore (Jesus). Nevertheless, again, I was left exhausted with few options. Somehow I had to gather the strength to continue. It was a vicious and exhausting cycle.
I started to contemplate suicide – Often, when we have those thoughts, we do not want to die; the truth is we do not want to feel the pain. We would rather be numb than face the broken reality of our lives.
I knew I had come too far to give up. I developed a new plan; I surrendered to Jesus.
Jesus became my rock amid the storm. He became my life raft. When the waves of emotions and traumatic thoughts threatened to drown me, I stood on God’s word. When I felt like I could not handle another crashing wave, I cried out to Jesus in prayer. I allowed him to save me and guide me safely to shore. I made peace with the past, and I became one with Jesus. The Bible says that Jesus is the living well that we will thirst no more if we drink of him.
Please say yes to Jesus and allow him to be your savior- your life raft. You do not have to handle the storms of life alone. Place your hope in Jesus. You will not regret it.
Be Blessed. God loves you!
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