Take a Deep Breath
From time to time, we all need to exhale.
Breathe in, breathe out, and relax your shoulders. Take a deep breath and exhale.
In 1995 one of my favorite movies flooded theaters all around the world- “Waiting to Exhale” The film was about four women that bonded over family issues, cheating husbands, and a host of other problems that women face. In the movie, each woman was trying to find their happy place.
One woman divorced her cheating husband; another opened herself up to a new romantic relationship; another realized her self-worth and broke it off with her married lover. They were searching for perfect circumstances or a person to allow them to feel safe enough to exhale. I’m not saying there is anything wrong with a healthy and loving relationship, but why do we need another person to be at peace with ourselves. Please take note that all of the women were looking outside of themselves for wholeness. One of the most important relationships is the one we have with ourselves. For us to love others well, we have to love ourselves first.
As a Christian, I follow this principle – 30 Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ 31 The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.‘ There is no commandment greater than these.” Mark 12:30-31 NIV
I used to say, “I’ll be happy when I lose 20 pounds. I’ll be happy when I graduate from college. I’ll be happy when I am no longer dealing with the pain from sexual trauma. I’ll be happy when I get married.” One day, I realized my happiness was on hold, and it was situational. I based my pleasure on everything outside of myself. I now believe that satisfaction is a state of being or a state of mind.
What if those things never happen? If we base our happiness on our circumstances, we may risk living a life of depression. We may even feel like a failure because we have yet to achieve the things we think are going to bring us happiness. The fact that we are on a journey of healing shows that we value ourselves.
Be happy about that!
I challenge you to take inventory of your life and think about the areas that are on hold because you are waiting for a situation to bring you happiness. If you would like to drop a few pounds, continue to work on your goal but love and appreciate the body that you have now. If you have a desire for marriage, while you are single, get to know yourself and fall in love with you. Continue to do the work and allow yourself to heal from past traumas.
In Waiting to Exhale, one of the characters slow danced with a man, pretended he was perfect, closed her eyes, and exhaled in his arms.
We do not have to pretend.
Life is hard. Healing from sexual trauma is extremely difficult, but we can choose to exhale right now. I ask you to take a moment close your eyes and hug yourself.
Breathe in. Breathe out- Exhale.
Be Blessed! God loves you!