Frequently, those of us who have been affected by trauma have a difficult time expressing and receiving love. At least this has been true for me – sometimes, the idea of allowing myself to be vulnerable enough to receive love and return the same gesture makes my palms sweaty, my mouth dry, and my heart even races.

I realize those reactions are trauma responses; my brain goes on high alert and warns me that I must take shelter and protect myself from the invasion of imminent love. This feeling can be active even if love is what we desire. At the essence of our being, we all yearn to be loved, understood, and accepted for who we are.

Most likely, in some way, you have been affected by trauma. Trauma survivors have an obscured view of what love is. Often our abusers told us they were misusing our bodies because they “loved” us, or a physically abusive man acts out in rage in one moment and professes his love the very next.

As I mentioned in a former post, I have been on my healing journey for quite some time. I have healed and evolved in many ways. Recently, I made a deliberate decision to allow myself to experience the exchange of love. This was not an easy decision, but I have overcome so much of my past, and I am determined that the trauma I have endured will not hinder me from experiencing the fullness of life.

Love is a human experience.

We must embrace every emotion – pain, grief, enjoyment, pleasure, and the like. I know this all sounds terrifying because it is. To allow ourselves to be loved and seen, we must be vulnerable and live an unveiled life.

Take inventory, self-reflect, and think about where you are on your journey. Of course, use wisdom, do not allow yourself to be in an abusive situation for the sake of love or force yourself before you are stable in your healing.

Ask yourself: Are you ready to step out from behind the shadow of your pain and welcome love into your life? Please do not count yourself out – a traumatic past does not mean you are not worthy of love. It means you need to allow yourself the time and space to heal, learn to love yourself, and then let yourself love others.

I will be the first to admit that this is easier said than done, but I would rather allow God to heal my brokenness and welcome love into my life with open arms. I refuse to let the venom and toxicity of my past strip me of an incredible life immersed in love, joy, and healing.

I know we have endured our fair share of pain, but a heart that does not know pain is also a heart that does not know love. When we stifle one emotion, we stifle every emotion. In the best way possible, allow yourself to be overwhelmed by love.

The first step is to accept Jesus into your heart – give yourself to him.

Be Blessed! God loves you.

There is so much happening in the world right now. And the weight of today’s society can take a toll on your mental, emotional, and spiritual health. I don’t know about you, but I’m exhausted. And it’s ok, to be honest with ourselves and others about our feelings. Amid a pandemic, racism, and police savageness lead to the murder of another, unarmed black man.

I have been thinking about what it is like to be a black woman in America. I have to admit it’s not easy because there are biased opinions regarding African American culture. I had to be honest about my views about my culture and face uncomfortable truths in my heart.

If we don’t repent to God and change our hearts towards one another, racism may never end. I find it interesting that God created the human race, but we created racism. We see color instead of seeing humans as unique individuals with an array of cultures such as; food, dance, hair, and numerous music styles.

 Today, I walked to my local park and spent time in nature, and that was what I needed. I needed to ground myself and reconnect with my center. I had to remind myself that I am a black woman, but my identity is grounded and rooted in Christ Jesus. Afterward, I felt refreshed and hopeful about the condition of the world.

What do you need?

I encourage you to take time out for yourself. Take a break from social media and listen to your heart. Repent to God about preconceived notions you may have about another culture. Racism is a complicated topic, no matter what color your skin is. This blog is for women that have survived sexual assault.

Every woman!

Not just African Americans, but Asians, Caucasians, Mexicans, Indians, and every other woman that decides to read this blog. I wanted to make that clear because trauma does not have a color; it is a human experience.

Be Blessed!

Dear Survivor,

What does it mean to unveil? Well, the standard definition of unveiling is to remove a veil or other covering from; display; reveal. (Dictionary.com) What are we unveiling as survivors, and how do we accomplish this ambitious goal? No doubt, the unveiling is a life long process, but we will never get to our desired destination if we never choose to retake control of our lives and allow ourselves to heal from the inside out. We are in control of the story we tell ourselves and others. This is going to look different for all of us. I do not have a perfect formula, and I am not here to judge you.

The unveiling process is painful, uncomfortable, emotional, and downright hard. I like to think about my life in chapters. For example, in my early thirties, I was sexually assaulted. What if I would have closed the book of my life there? That chapter would have read- Nicole was raped, the end. I could not allow that earth-shattering trauma to dictate my life. I could not allow the perpetrator to hold onto the reins of my life, and ultimately control me like a puppet on his strings. In order for me to move forward, I had to figure out what my first move was going to be. I suffered from PTSD for years and then I decided to seek out therapy. Also, I knew I had a long road ahead of me and I needed something greater to believe in. I excepted a friend’s invitation to attend her church, and my life has never been the same. Although, this is not a Christian blog I do love Jesus with all of my heart and it is impossible for me to share my story, and offer encouragement without mentioning my spiritual life.

I have been on my healing journey for almost 10 years. Wherever you are on your journey is perfectly fine. However, it is the perfect time to start moving forward even if you have to do it afraid. I used to wonder who I would be without the security blanket of my pain. I don’t know about you, but I used to look at other survivors and wonder how did she move from a place of brokenness to wholeness. I must mention, wholeness does not mean that you will never have a bad day. It simply means that you are still in the fight and you are seeking unity with every part of yourself- mind, body, and soul. I read countless books about other women that made it to the other side of their pain. I was always left disappointed because they did not talk about the ups and downs of their journey. I did not understand why they were not authentic about how difficult the healing process is and how they overcome their trauma.

That’s why I am investing in you and your healing journey. We can all become overcomers and learn how to live again, together. I want to be open and honest with you about my journey. I had to unveil shame, self-hatred, self-blame, low self-esteem, an eating disorder, at-risk sexual behaviors, and so much more. I’m still on my journey, and I will be for the rest of my life, but every chapter gets a little sweeter. I would love the opportunity to encourage you along the way. You do not have to unveil alone. I will never judge you because I am you. I want you to know that I see you, I feel you, and I believe you. This unveiling journey was birthed out of my pain, and it would be selfish if I did not come back and show you the way.

Let’s take off the mask of who we think we have to be in this world. It is the ideal time to unveil from the effects of our past traumas. Let’s unveil together!

Imperfectly yours,

Nicole