July 1 2021

Look Within… Reflect.

We all struggle with fear from time to time in our lives. At what point do we say enough is enough? Fear shows up in many ways – perfectionism, procrastination, and indecisiveness. Fear can be paralyzing; we may never move forward and achieve our goals or desires.

Honestly, I have been thinking about things in my life that I have been allowing fear to stifle. And you know what? I am tired of wasting time. Life is so short; time waits for no one. Can you believe we are quickly approaching 2022? I know COVID-19 slowed many of us down; maybe it was necessary to help us regroup and think about our lives, decisions, and options.

Life is such a God-given gift- How will we use our lives to honor him with the many talents he bestowed upon us?

What plans or opportunities would you pursue or say yes to if you believed you could not fail? It may be time to view failure from a different perspective. Failure is our most excellent teacher. Mistakes are how we grow and sharpen our skills. Life would be dull if we never made a mistake or took a risk that makes us nervous. Of course, I am talking about a healthy risk- for instance, returning to school, starting a business, or telling someone you love them. We allow fear to make us miss out on life-changing experiences.

I know I threw many questions at you, but I am asking myself the same things. What do I want out of life? Am I willing to do the work and learn new skills to accomplish my goals? Let us finish out the year strong! We are capable, strong, and intelligent human beings. I am determined that my history of trauma and abuse is not how my story ends – the same can be true for you. Do not give up on God’s plan and purpose for your life. Nothing will be wasted.

The bible says, “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28 KJV

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May 3 2020

How are you?

I hope all is well with you! I am doing well, myself. I have a question for you? Do you write in a journal? I highly recommend it. Journaling played a significant role in my healing process. My journal became my trusted friend. We can be honest when we write down our thoughts, feelings, and dreams because, most likely, we are the only ones that will see what we have disclosed.

Over the last ten years, I wrote down every dark memory that I could remember as a way to help me process the trauma that I had endured. I also documented my conversations with my therapist and the ups and downs of healing. My journals were raw and gut-wrenching, but I always felt a sense of relief once I took everything from my mind and splattered it all over the blank pages of my journal.

I recall a time when I literally wrote for 5 hours, yes, 5 hours. After my therapy session, I had a lot of emotions that I needed to process. It was a freeing experience because I connected with myself on a deeper level. I allowed myself to hear my voice, and that was rewarding; I did not realize I was showing myself compassion.

Since we are still under the stay at home order due to COVID-19, I decided to brainstorm about how I could freshen up my journaling experience. I decided to create a positivity journal! I thought about my past experiences, but I did not focus on the pain and sadness. Instead, I thought about the positive things I learned about myself. I was amazed at how much this exercise changed my view of myself. Some times we get stuck in seeing ourselves as a victim, but we are bold, brave, and we made a decision to get back up after life knocked us down.

I’ll share a few of my journal entries and what I learned about myself!

I have an incredible will and desire to live.
I am resilient; I can bounce back from anything.
I am a woman of faith, and God was with me every step of the way. I learned how to be honest with God about my feeling and emotions.
I realized that I loved myself enough to invest time and money in my mental health and healing. I was determined to take my like back.
I don’t need the approval of others to live my life. I am good enough.

My last point is, I am grateful for the time I spent in a support group for sexual assault survivors. I know that may sound strange, but hear me out. There is a special bond that we had; we encouraged one another, and we wanted to see one another overcome the pain. We helped one another and provided a tremendous amount of support. I don’t know about you, but I did not learn essential life skills as a child, such as boundaries, self-respect, and red flags to be aware of when a person is displaying early signs of abuse or control. During our group sessions, we had the privilege to learn those skills, and that created confidence in me that I may not have developed if I was not a part of that group.

Hopefully, this will encourage you to see what positives you can take from your experiences. I know it may be difficult, but we all have something to be grateful for. Even if the one positive in your life is the fact that you are still alive! That is something worth celebrating because your life has value and meaning!

Be blessed. God loves you!

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April 26 2020

Your Life Matters

So often, the world places the value of life on wealth, appearance, and the number on the scale. Or the size of our bank accounts. Not to mention the pressure that women feel if they are still checking the “single box” on an application. When you add childhood sexual abuse and rape to the equation, you have the perfect recipe for low self-esteem and a lack of confidence in oneself.

I have struggled with self-esteem and confidence most of my life. As a child, I never felt like I was good enough, and I thought the reason for my existence was to be traumatized and abused. I have memories of the neighborhood children taunting me because I walked with my head hung down to the ground. I felt worthless and invisible. Those feelings were magnified after I was sexually assaulted as an adult. As a result, I tried to find my value in men. I searched all over looking for a man to love me and make me feel better about myself.

Unfortunately, I was left dissatisfied after every failed relationship. Each relationship left me feeling more emptier than the last. I was broken and depleted of any sense of worth and value. I was exhausted from searching for the love I desperately needed. I was tired of allowing men to use my body and then reject me after they got what they wanted. I hit rock bottom; I was alone with myself. I started daydreaming about ending it all. I did not see a reason for me to live, and I did not think my life mattered. I used to think of the different ways I could end my life. I was in a real dark place.

Eventually, I started seeing a therapist, but therapy was so hard. It was so difficult to talk about the pain of my past week after week. I began to doubt my decision to seek help from a counselor; I questioned why I was fighting so hard to stay alive. What is on the other side of this pain? Is it worth it? With all of my unanswered questions, I decided to continue seeing a therapist. I also started watching Christian sermons online. One day, the Pastor spoke about the love that Jesus Christ has for us. That really got my attention, because as I mentioned, I was looking for someone to love me. But I did not understand how an invisible Jesus could love me, and why would he want to.

I thought to myself there is no way Jesus could ever love me. I was buried in shame and guilt from my past trauma. I was ashamed of the things I had done in the search for love. I was tainted, broken, and unloveable. Or at least that is what I believed. But that was a lie. I started to read the Bible; I read scriptures like For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. John 3:16 KJV I did not know what that meant, but I understood that God loved me so much that he sent his Son Jesus to die for me, for us. I wanted to know more. I started to read the Bible and attend Church services regularly.

One day I walked to the altar and dedicated my life to Jesus. I received him in my heart by saying a simple prayer. I am a sinner. I repent from my sins, and I ask for forgiveness. I believe that Jesus died on the cross to pay for my sins. Jesus, I ask you to come into my heart. Please lead and guide my life. Please be my source of hope, love, and deliverance. By faith, I accept you as my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. (You can pray this simple prayer as well, and your life will never be the same).

Slowly, my emptiness went away, internally I was fulfilled. All along, I was looking outside of myself for love and wholeness. I needed to get alone with Jesus and allow Him to fill me with his love. I did not have to earn his love; his love is freely given. In retrospect, I realize it was not that I wanted to die, but I was tired of feeling. I was familiar with the feeling of pain, and I wanted that feeling to go away. I am not saying that a life with Jesus is pain-free or even comfortable. But it makes all the difference in the world to know that someone loved me enough to die for me.

My life has a new purpose and a new vision. What if I would have given up? What if I would have committed suicide? I would have never known the love and healing that was available to me. I pray that you will give yourself a chance to see what is on the other side of your pain. Please don’t give up! The world needs you. Your life has purpose and value, and it is not based on your marital status, bank account, or your degrees. You are valuable because “For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.” Ephesians 2:10

Be blessed

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April 19 2020

Power Hour

Hi Sis,

I wanted to offer some much-needed encouragement during these times of uncertainty. For many of us, the Coronavirus created a new normal; we had no choice but to adjust to a new way of living. Some people lost their jobs, group counseling has been postponed, and individual therapy sessions are held via telephone or Zoom. We did not have time to prepare for the chaos that COVID-19 would bring. Nothing seems stable, and no one knows when this health crisis will end.

Amid fear and chaos, we have to remember that our stability comes from within. When the world is spinning out of control, we must hold onto what we can control. We can control our response. Remind yourself that you have been through worse. Yes, COVID-19 is scary, but this virus does not hold a candle to what we face as trauma survivors.

I have struggled during this pandemic, and I had to remind myself that I am a survivor in every sense of the word; better yet, I am an OVERCOMER. I had to pinpoint my issues by asking myself questions….  Where is your faith in God? Are you drinking enough water? Are you getting enough sleep? How are you handling your anxiety? Are you meditating? Are you praying? What types of food are you eating? Pay attention to yourself. This is not the time to lose it. You are bold and brave. This pandemic is an excellent opportunity to see how far you have come in your healing journey.

Once I identified the areas of lack of self-care, I made the necessary adjustments. While attending group therapy, I struggled with spending time with myself and ensuring all of my needs were met. I created what I call the “Power Hour.” The power hour is a great way to intentionally take care of our bodies, mental health, and spiritual needs daily. Of course, if you don’t have an hour to spare, that’s fine too. Do what you can, but be intentional about loving yourself. We are responsible for ourselves.

 Here is an example of what my power hour may look like.

The goal of the power hour is to spend one-hour doing activities that will add to you as a person. For instance, allow yourself 15 minutes for each activity. Of course, you can divide your time however you like. Some activities may take longer than others; sometimes, I exercise for the whole hour. This is meant to be a fun activity, but it is also helpful if you want to use this time to face unpleasant triggers and emotions. Make this personal to you. There is no right or wrong way to do this. The power hour has changed my life, and I look forward to spending that time with myself. I pray that you find it helpful as well. Remember, no one knows what you need more than you.

Take care! 🙂

Be Blessed God loves you.

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