Wow!
I cannot believe 2022 is halfway over! Generally, around this time of the year, I would reflect and look for opportunities to be more productive, but I am in a different place now. I am seeking opportunities for more ways to cultivate joy! For many of us, the past few years have been difficult.

I have come to realize that no matter what obstacles we face, life goes on – it has to. We all have responsibilities and commitments that we have to keep, but it is also imperative to have a healthy balance. If we put all our focus on work, we risk resenting the process and the life we created for ourselves; burnout will slowly creep up on us.

Burnout will rear its ugly head in our health, attitude, emotions, and spiritual life.

On the other hand, if we fool around and allow our responsibilities to fall by the wayside, we risk the sad reality of never reaching our goals and full potential. Yikes! So, what is the solution? I am still learning too. I am growing right along with you! I do not claim to have all the answers, but I am committed to having a balanced life. Creating downtime is just as important as working hard.

As I have said in many of my posts, we must care for ourselves holistically.

You know where you are on your journey. You know what adjustments need to be made. Nevertheless, you are in control of what choices you make to ensure a healthy and productive life. The Bible talks about a woman that laughed without fear of the future. She was married and a mother; she had a ton of demanding responsibilities, but she did not allow the demands of life to keep her from fully living and experiencing life in its entirety. (Please refer to Proverbs 31)

Ask yourself, are you out of balance? Do you take time to enjoy the beauty and joy that surrounds you? What small changes can you make today to take care of yourself holistically? Be honest with yourself. Please do not feel condemned; that would defeat the purpose of the exercise.

The time is now!

God loves you! Be blessed!

I know I have been missing in action, but life happens to us all. Nevertheless, if you are a believer, everything works together for our good! 

And we know [with great confidence] that God [who is deeply concerned about us] causes all things to work together [as a plan] for good for those who love God, to those who are called according to His plan and purpose. Romans 8:28 AMP

Many of us set New Year resolutions and goals this time of year. I am going to lose 30 pounds this year! New year new me! And a host of other well-meaning clichés. 

My goal is not to discourage you; instead, I offer encouragement to make your goals a reality. I, too, used to write a laundry list of resolutions, and two weeks into the new year, my old habits would creep in. 

I realized I needed to change my thinking to change my life and achieve my goals. The Bible says, “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.” Romans 12:2 NKJ

The best thing we can do is allow God to change our minds and behaviors; naturally, our life will begin to change.

 For starters, spend time reading the Bible. Pray and ask God for direction. Read books that align with your goals and journal. Observe what you are thinking about. Frequently, our emotions affect our thinking, so paying attention and being honest with ourselves is necessary. All of this takes time, but most importantly, be consistent. Be kind to yourself; however, do not make excuses for lack of discipline. 

Make changes one step at a time, and eventually, you will see progress. We got this!

Be blessed! God loves you.

One of the most challenging things in this current season of my life is learning how to surrender to God’s will and his perfect plan – especially when the path is not clear. I have always been inquisitive. I have an intense desire to know and to understand.

I do not always know how to get from point A to point B; this is highly uncomfortable. I do not always understand the ups and downs of life, relationships, and friendships. Although I sometimes feel like I’m being crushed like an olive in the olive press. I have the tenacity to believe that all things are working together for my good.

Life is a beautiful journey filled with valley and mountain top moments. Although the valley is the most challenging place to reside, it is the most fruitful. You see, God uses the valley to build our character, develop our intimacy with him, and strengthen our faith. A valley is also a place where we build endurance, new behaviors, and healthier mindsets. None of this is easy because we cannot control how long we will live in the valley.

As I attempt to surrender, I am seeking God for the lesson plan– I know he holds the answer key to my life. I offer the image of my life that I had in my mind to God, and I accept his predestined plans for me.

Is this easy?

NO.

But I desire to please God more than my selfish desires.

What do you need to surrender? Do you need to submit to the healing process? Do you need to repent and turn away from willful sin? Whatever it may be, ask God to help you and give you the strength to relinquish your false sense of control and trust him. Believe that he loves you more than you could fully understand.

God is our creator; he created us for a particular purpose. I choose to believe that his plan is far greater than anything I could conjure up.

We all are in a valley of some sort. Let me encourage you just as much as I need to be encouraged. Continue to trust God; do not ever give up. No matter how complex your circumstances may be, we always have something to be grateful for. If you feel like you cannot think of anything – be thankful for reading comprehension- because you just read this post. Sometimes it is the simple things that we overlook.

Trust God. Trust his plans.

Surrender.

Be Blessed. God loves you.

Have you ever felt lost and confused about what the future holds. I sure have! Sometimes I get overwhelmed because I am praying and seeking God for many things in my life. It is easy to get frustrated and lose hope; however, I decided that it is not an option. We have to remember that God does not follow our time table; instead, we are on his schedule.

I decided I will continue to seek God for direction and purpose. God knows what we need. Pray and ask God to align your desires with his will for your life.

If you desire to heal from past trauma, seek God first, and believe that he can restore you with all of your heart. God is a healer, and he loves you. Be honest with God; vocalize your struggles and watch Him move on your behalf.

God is not confused one bit.

Psalm 37:23 says, “The steps of a [good] man are directed and established by the Lord when He delights in his way [and He busies Himself with his every step].” AMP

Spend time in God’s presence today and watch your life convert into a beautiful masterpiece.

Be Blessed. God Loves you.

I’m so stupid. I wish I were attractive. I hate my voice. I hate my hair; I wish it were curly, or I wish it were straight. I don’t like my lips, or my nose is too big.

Does any of this sound familiar?

Even if you haven’t used the same rhetoric, I’m sure you can think of times when you spoke negatively of yourself. For sure, I have done my fair share of degrading self-talk. I used to hate everything about myself—my hair, my eyes, and my smile, etc. Of course, childhood trauma played a role in my self-image. Likewise, I also did not take classes on loving myself as a child- most of us did not.

As an adult, I realized that critical self-talk was a learned behavior from my childhood. Women in my home were not celebrated – we were molested, raped, and beaten. We were belittled and degraded. I did not learn about self-love until I became an adult; the concept was foreign to me. It was natural to shrink and downplay who we were. Often we learn how to love ourselves as adults, and that is ok. We cannot change the past; we can learn from it. Remember, we are no longer victims.

 I’m not trying to point fingers or exert blame on anyone. How can anyone teach something they had never learned themselves?

The great news is that we are adults; we are responsible for our healing. It is possible to unlearn destructive language and develop healthy self-love practices. That’s right; practices! Positive self-talk is something we choose to practice every day. Every day may not be identical. Some days will be easier than others. Honestly, when you feel at your worst, you need to speak life over yourself even more.

“Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it and indulge it will eat its fruit and bear the consequences of their words.” Proverbs 18:21 AMP

Basically, what we speak will either grow into rotten or healthy fruit. If we continue with destructive self-loathing words- we are speaking death. If we speak lovely and kind words about ourselves, we shall reap the benefits- this is speaking life.

The decision is yours. I encourage you to meditate on Proverbs 18:21 and think about what type of fruit you want to produce in your life. Please do not be discouraged if you do not see a change in how you view yourself right away. All fruit starts in seed form; trust that you are growing every day.

Be Blessed. God loves you.

I struggled for years with people-pleasing. I thought I was supposed to put other people’s needs before my own. I felt like my life was not worth nurturing and developing. People ran over me- sadly, I have to admit I was a doormat. I did not have a backbone. I said yes to every request and volunteered for every event because I was afraid of what people would think of me if I said no.

I would say yes, but I would be boiling on the inside and filled with resentment. I felt undervalued and unappreciated. I would panic internally, wondering how I was going to complete my errands and personal commitments. My therapist helped me unpack the reason behind my people-pleasing. My behavior was rooted in the molestation I experienced as a child. I felt like if I were compliant or “good,” I would not be abused, of course, that was not the truth. 

 I know this can be difficult for us because we have said “no” to unwanted sexual contact. Unfortunately, saying no in those moments meant nothing to our perpetrators. We are not the blame for the injustice against us. Please do not punish yourself; It’s never too late to exercise a new muscle.

We have the right to say no in any situation that we choose; our voice matters. I consider myself to be a recovering people-pleaser. You are going to be uncomfortable once you start declining requests and invitations. Developing new skills can be challenging and scary at first.

If you struggle with people-pleasing before you say yes, ask yourself these few questions.

• Why am I saying yes?
• Am I afraid to say no?
• Am I betraying my needs to seem like a “nice person?”
• Is the request reasonable?

Most likely, you will experience backlash from people that were used to you appeasing them; that’s normal. But that is not your concern; they have to adjust to the new you. And that’s ok, but don’t give up. You are worth it. People-pleasing is a defective survival strategy. Once you master this new skill, you will learn how to make decisions for yourself. You will no longer feel like you need the approval of others. I’m sure most of us are familiar with the phrase- No is a complete sentence.

Be blessed. God loves you.

I pray that this post finds you well. I have been thinking about how unpredictable life is and the importance of making the most of every day. We have six months left in the year, can you believe it! This year has been wild and crazy. The question is- how are we planning to tackle the remainder of the year? I know this year did not go according to our well thought out plans. We did not expect COVID-19, but if you are reading this post, you still have a heartbeat.

Spend time reflecting about the first half of the year. What did you learn about yourself? What hard truth did you have to face? Are you grateful? What joy did you rekindle during this time of social distancing?

The truth is, we still have a responsibility to live even though life does not always go according to our plan.

Look at the bare bones of your life and think about what is within your reach. What goals can you achieve that does not require you to put yourself at risk of contracting COVID-19. Please don’t allow the first half of the year to derail all of your progress. You have come so far on your healing journey, and I am so proud of you. Keep going. I know it gets hard. It’s still hard for me some days. And some days, I feel exhausted, but I think about you and the privilege I have to speak into your life.

I spent years in therapy, wondering why I was fighting so hard. I would often think about women that have experienced the same trauma as me, and I wanted to help you, and that is what kept me in the fight. My point is, you are someones why, too. Someone is looking at how you handle life. Someone admires your courage and resilience. Someone needs to see a woman live her life well even after she endured unspeakable trauma.

But first, you have to make sure you are full and whole on the inside. Figure out your reason why. Please don’t give up on 2020, make the second half of the year count.

Be blessed! God loves you.