May 30 2020

Take a Deep Breath

From time to time, we all need to exhale.

Breathe in, breathe out, and relax your shoulders. Take a deep breath and exhale.

In 1995 one of my favorite movies flooded theaters all around the world- “Waiting to Exhale” The film was about four women that bonded over family issues, cheating husbands, and a host of other problems that women face. In the movie, each woman was trying to find their happy place.

One woman divorced her cheating husband; another opened herself up to a new romantic relationship; another realized her self-worth and broke it off with her married lover. They were searching for perfect circumstances or a person to allow them to feel safe enough to exhale. I’m not saying there is anything wrong with a healthy and loving relationship, but why do we need another person to be at peace with ourselves. Please take note that all of the women were looking outside of themselves for wholeness. One of the most important relationships is the one we have with ourselves. For us to love others well, we have to love ourselves first.

As a Christian, I follow this principle – 30 Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ 31 The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.‘ There is no commandment greater than these.” Mark 12:30-31 NIV

I used to say, “I’ll be happy when I lose 20 pounds. I’ll be happy when I graduate from college. I’ll be happy when I am no longer dealing with the pain from sexual trauma. I’ll be happy when I get married.” One day, I realized my happiness was on hold, and it was situational. I based my pleasure on everything outside of myself. I now believe that satisfaction is a state of being or a state of mind.

What if those things never happen? If we base our happiness on our circumstances, we may risk living a life of depression. We may even feel like a failure because we have yet to achieve the things we think are going to bring us happiness. The fact that we are on a journey of healing shows that we value ourselves.

Be happy about that!

I challenge you to take inventory of your life and think about the areas that are on hold because you are waiting for a situation to bring you happiness. If you would like to drop a few pounds, continue to work on your goal but love and appreciate the body that you have now. If you have a desire for marriage, while you are single, get to know yourself and fall in love with you. Continue to do the work and allow yourself to heal from past traumas.

In Waiting to Exhale, one of the characters slow danced with a man, pretended he was perfect, closed her eyes, and exhaled in his arms.

We do not have to pretend.

Life is hard. Healing from sexual trauma is extremely difficult, but we can choose to exhale right now. I ask you to take a moment close your eyes and hug yourself.

Breathe in. Breathe out- Exhale.

Be Blessed! God loves you!

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May 23 2020

Pieces of Me

I like to think about my life as a puzzle. On the contrary, It’s more complicated than a 5000 piece jigsaw puzzle. Jigsaw puzzles are typically beautiful gardens, birds enjoying nature, or a picture-perfect cottage. Maybe it’s my lack of exposure, but I have never seen a sad and disturbing puzzle. Who would want to sit for hours and put that puzzle together? But the puzzle is not complete without all of its pieces.

Just like our lives!

I think of my past trauma as a few puzzle pieces that add to my life as a whole. And no good story can be told without a little bit of drama. I could not control the pieces that were created, but I am the one sitting at the table, putting the pieces of the puzzle together. To some, it may be strange, because I have learned how to embrace all of me. Although it is not easy, I realize I can’t accept the happy memories without embracing the traumatic ones too. Because that would not be a complete and accurate picture of who I am. I am a beautifully complicated woman with many sides to my personality. But isn’t that the human experience: the good, the bad, and the ugly dark pieces.



I encourage you to take a moment and look at your pieces!

Without the pain and trauma, I may not be as compassionate and empathetic to my fellow survivors; I can pull love and hope from the pain and share it with you. Without the feelings of rejection, I may be a “mean girl” that builds up my self-esteem at the expense of being hateful and judgmental to others. We are all made up of different pieces. I encourage you to embrace all of you. Horrible things were done to you, but you are not a bad person. You did not deserve to be molested or raped, but what happened to you did not change your worth or value. And it does not have to ruin your life. Look at the different pieces of your life and smile, and cry if you need to.

Embrace all of you because that is what you deserve!

Be blessed!

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May 17 2020

Hi There!

I’m checking on ya! I hope you’re doing well!

How do you unwind?

 I have been reading books and listening to inspirational music. Also, I just binged watched season 18 of Keeping up with the Kardashians. Don’t judge me, lol. At times, I tend to be an overthinker and very analytical. I decided to allow myself to unwind and relax for a moment. It’s easy to feel like you are productive when we have a crazy busy schedule and late nights. But I am learning the importance of being proud of myself regardless of how productive I feel. Relaxing and unwinding are just as important as grinding.

 We have to allow our minds and bodies to rest and restore. Sometimes, we overload our schedule because we don’t want to spend time with ourselves. Learn how to relax in your own company.

What books have you been wanting to read, but never had the time? Do you need a nap? When was the last time you have given yourself a mani-pedi? Bake your favorite cookies or brownies. Spend time in prayer or read the Bible.

Today, I challenge you to do something kind for yourself and allow yourself to rest.

Be blessed.

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May 9 2020

You Are Worthy!

Have you ever felt like an unloved outcast? I sure have. The truth is most of us have felt misplaced at some point in our lives. Imagine standing in a room full of people, and everyone is laughing and talking, and more than anything, you want to feel accepted. I used to feel like when someone looked at me, all they could see was a woman that had been molested and raped. I had a veil of shame on my face. I’m sure many of you can relate. The Bible describes a similar situation. Please read the story below about a woman, who was labeled by her past. We don’t know her name, but we know that Jesus loved her.

36 When one of the Pharisees invited Jesus to have dinner with him, he went to the Pharisee’s house and reclined at the table. 37 A woman in that town who lived a sinful life learned that Jesus was eating at the Pharisee’s house, so she came there with an alabaster jar of perfume. 38 As she stood behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. (The sinful woman knew that Jesus was a healer) Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them. (She wanted to honor his position) 39 When the Pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to himself, “If this man were a prophet, he would know who is touching him and what kind of woman she is—that she is a sinner.”

40 Jesus answered him, “Simon, I have something to tell you.”
“Tell me, teacher,” he said.

41 “Two people owed money to a certain moneylender. One owed him five hundred denarii,[a] and the other fifty. 42 Neither of them had the money to pay him back, so he forgave the debts of both. Now which of them will love him more?” (Jesus was saying that he forgives all people, no matter what we have done. No sin is unforgivable)

43 Simon replied, “I suppose the one who had the bigger debt forgiven.”
“You have judged correctly,” Jesus said.

44 Then he turned toward the woman and said to Simon, “Do you see this woman? I came into your house. You did not give me any water for my feet, but she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. 45 You did not give me a kiss, but this woman, from the time I entered, has not stopped kissing my feet. 46 You did not put oil on my head, but she has poured perfume on my feet. 47 Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—as her great love has shown. But whoever has been forgiven little loves little.”

48 Then Jesus said to her, “Your sins are forgiven.”

49 The other guests began to say among themselves, “Who is this who even forgives sins?”

50 Jesus said to the woman, “Your faith has saved you; go in peace.”


 Luke 7:36-50 (NIV)

The Pharisees were people that nowadays we would call haters. They were hating on the sinful women. Let me embellish about her past. I would imagine that she was molested and raped; as a result, she lost all respect for herself. She did not believe she had worth as a woman. She was not self-aware, and she had no idea how to set healthy boundaries—hence the fact she invited herself to dinner and cried all over the guest of honor’s feet. She spent all of her life looking for love in all the wrong places, which caused more trauma and pain.

The Pharisees thought they were better than the sinful woman. And they wanted Jesus to follow suit, but he didn’t. Jesus asked Simon, the Pharisee, “Do you see this woman?”

Jesus did not see her sin; he saw beyond her past to who she really is. He was not offended by her past and the trauma she had endured. He saw her as a woman worthy of love and healing! Simon was so busy trying to impress Jesus that he did not treat him with the customary rituals of that time period.

The bottom line is, Jesus loves you too. Don’t allow the mistakes of your past to keep you from giving your heart to Jesus. He loves you no matter what trauma you have endured, and no matter what you have done. He is eager to heal you from your past. Jesus is not a hater; he is the lover of our soul.

Be Blessed.

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May 3 2020

How are you?

I hope all is well with you! I am doing well, myself. I have a question for you? Do you write in a journal? I highly recommend it. Journaling played a significant role in my healing process. My journal became my trusted friend. We can be honest when we write down our thoughts, feelings, and dreams because, most likely, we are the only ones that will see what we have disclosed.

Over the last ten years, I wrote down every dark memory that I could remember as a way to help me process the trauma that I had endured. I also documented my conversations with my therapist and the ups and downs of healing. My journals were raw and gut-wrenching, but I always felt a sense of relief once I took everything from my mind and splattered it all over the blank pages of my journal.

I recall a time when I literally wrote for 5 hours, yes, 5 hours. After my therapy session, I had a lot of emotions that I needed to process. It was a freeing experience because I connected with myself on a deeper level. I allowed myself to hear my voice, and that was rewarding; I did not realize I was showing myself compassion.

Since we are still under the stay at home order due to COVID-19, I decided to brainstorm about how I could freshen up my journaling experience. I decided to create a positivity journal! I thought about my past experiences, but I did not focus on the pain and sadness. Instead, I thought about the positive things I learned about myself. I was amazed at how much this exercise changed my view of myself. Some times we get stuck in seeing ourselves as a victim, but we are bold, brave, and we made a decision to get back up after life knocked us down.

I’ll share a few of my journal entries and what I learned about myself!

I have an incredible will and desire to live.
I am resilient; I can bounce back from anything.
I am a woman of faith, and God was with me every step of the way. I learned how to be honest with God about my feeling and emotions.
I realized that I loved myself enough to invest time and money in my mental health and healing. I was determined to take my like back.
I don’t need the approval of others to live my life. I am good enough.

My last point is, I am grateful for the time I spent in a support group for sexual assault survivors. I know that may sound strange, but hear me out. There is a special bond that we had; we encouraged one another, and we wanted to see one another overcome the pain. We helped one another and provided a tremendous amount of support. I don’t know about you, but I did not learn essential life skills as a child, such as boundaries, self-respect, and red flags to be aware of when a person is displaying early signs of abuse or control. During our group sessions, we had the privilege to learn those skills, and that created confidence in me that I may not have developed if I was not a part of that group.

Hopefully, this will encourage you to see what positives you can take from your experiences. I know it may be difficult, but we all have something to be grateful for. Even if the one positive in your life is the fact that you are still alive! That is something worth celebrating because your life has value and meaning!

Be blessed. God loves you!

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