Your Life Matters

So often, the world places the value of life on wealth, appearance, and the number on the scale. Or the size of our bank accounts. Not to mention the pressure that women feel if they are still checking the “single box” on an application. When you add childhood sexual abuse and rape to the equation, you have the perfect recipe for low self-esteem and a lack of confidence in oneself.

I have struggled with self-esteem and confidence most of my life. As a child, I never felt like I was good enough, and I thought the reason for my existence was to be traumatized and abused. I have memories of the neighborhood children taunting me because I walked with my head hung down to the ground. I felt worthless and invisible. Those feelings were magnified after I was sexually assaulted as an adult. As a result, I tried to find my value in men. I searched all over looking for a man to love me and make me feel better about myself.

Unfortunately, I was left dissatisfied after every failed relationship. Each relationship left me feeling more emptier than the last. I was broken and depleted of any sense of worth and value. I was exhausted from searching for the love I desperately needed. I was tired of allowing men to use my body and then reject me after they got what they wanted. I hit rock bottom; I was alone with myself. I started daydreaming about ending it all. I did not see a reason for me to live, and I did not think my life mattered. I used to think of the different ways I could end my life. I was in a real dark place.

Eventually, I started seeing a therapist, but therapy was so hard. It was so difficult to talk about the pain of my past week after week. I began to doubt my decision to seek help from a counselor; I questioned why I was fighting so hard to stay alive. What is on the other side of this pain? Is it worth it? With all of my unanswered questions, I decided to continue seeing a therapist. I also started watching Christian sermons online. One day, the Pastor spoke about the love that Jesus Christ has for us. That really got my attention, because as I mentioned, I was looking for someone to love me. But I did not understand how an invisible Jesus could love me, and why would he want to.

I thought to myself there is no way Jesus could ever love me. I was buried in shame and guilt from my past trauma. I was ashamed of the things I had done in the search for love. I was tainted, broken, and unloveable. Or at least that is what I believed. But that was a lie. I started to read the Bible; I read scriptures like For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. John 3:16 KJV I did not know what that meant, but I understood that God loved me so much that he sent his Son Jesus to die for me, for us. I wanted to know more. I started to read the Bible and attend Church services regularly.

One day I walked to the altar and dedicated my life to Jesus. I received him in my heart by saying a simple prayer. I am a sinner. I repent from my sins, and I ask for forgiveness. I believe that Jesus died on the cross to pay for my sins. Jesus, I ask you to come into my heart. Please lead and guide my life. Please be my source of hope, love, and deliverance. By faith, I accept you as my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. (You can pray this simple prayer as well, and your life will never be the same).

Slowly, my emptiness went away, internally I was fulfilled. All along, I was looking outside of myself for love and wholeness. I needed to get alone with Jesus and allow Him to fill me with his love. I did not have to earn his love; his love is freely given. In retrospect, I realize it was not that I wanted to die, but I was tired of feeling. I was familiar with the feeling of pain, and I wanted that feeling to go away. I am not saying that a life with Jesus is pain-free or even comfortable. But it makes all the difference in the world to know that someone loved me enough to die for me.

My life has a new purpose and a new vision. What if I would have given up? What if I would have committed suicide? I would have never known the love and healing that was available to me. I pray that you will give yourself a chance to see what is on the other side of your pain. Please don’t give up! The world needs you. Your life has purpose and value, and it is not based on your marital status, bank account, or your degrees. You are valuable because “For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.” Ephesians 2:10

Be blessed

Category: Begin Your Unveiling Journey, Hello Survivor | Comments Off

April 19 2020

Power Hour

Hi Sis,

I wanted to offer some much-needed encouragement during these times of uncertainty. For many of us, the Coronavirus created a new normal; we had no choice but to adjust to a new way of living. Some people lost their jobs, group counseling has been postponed, and individual therapy sessions are held via telephone or Zoom. We did not have time to prepare for the chaos that COVID-19 would bring. Nothing seems stable, and no one knows when this health crisis will end.

Amid fear and chaos, we have to remember that our stability comes from within. When the world is spinning out of control, we must hold onto what we can control. We can control our response. Remind yourself that you have been through worse. Yes, COVID-19 is scary, but this virus does not hold a candle to what we face as trauma survivors.

I have struggled during this pandemic, and I had to remind myself that I am a survivor in every sense of the word; better yet, I am an OVERCOMER. I had to pinpoint my issues by asking myself questions…. Where is your faith in God? Are you drinking enough water? Are you getting enough sleep? How are you handling your anxiety? Are you meditating? Are you praying? What types of food are you eating? Pay attention to yourself. This is not the time to lose it. You are bold and brave. This pandemic is an excellent opportunity to see how far you have come in your healing journey.

Once I identified the areas of lack of self-care, I made the necessary adjustments. While attending group therapy, I struggled with spending time with myself and ensuring all of my needs were met. I created what I call the “Power Hour.” The power hour is a great way to intentionally take care of our bodies, mental health, and spiritual needs daily. Of course, if you don’t have an hour to spare, that’s fine too. Do what you can, but be intentional about loving yourself. We are responsible for ourselves.

Here is an example of what my power hour may look like.

The goal of the power hour is to spend one-hour doing activities that will add to you as a person. For instance, allow yourself 15 minutes for each activity. Of course, you can divide your time however you like. Some activities may take longer than others; sometimes, I exercise for the whole hour. This is meant to be a fun activity, but it is also helpful if you want to use this time to face unpleasant triggers and emotions. Make this personal to you. There is no right or wrong way to do this. The power hour has changed my life, and I look forward to spending that time with myself. I pray that you find it helpful as well. Remember, no one knows what you need more than you.

Take care! 🙂

Be Blessed God loves you.

Category: Hello Survivor | Comments Off

April 19 2020

“And we all, with unveiled face, continually seeing as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are progressively being transformed into His image from [one degree of] glory to [even more] glory, which comes from the Lord, [who is] the Spirit. ” 2 Corinthians 3:18 AMP

Trigger Warning

***Please be kind to yourself; the content on this site may trigger your trauma responses. ***

I am a sexual assault survivor; Unveiled Faces blog desires to support and encourage survivors of sexual assault. Women who have experienced this trauma often isolate themselves because of shame, depression, fear, and guilt.

In the beginning, I did just that until I realized I was living in a dark hole by myself, but I did not have to. I aim to encourage and foster hope in your heart, speak life into you, and share many testimonies about how I overcame. Please come along on this journey with me! Let’s unveil the shame of our past together and learn how to live again. We can take control of our lives. Happiness and healing are possible.

I look forward to growing with you.

Be blessed. God loves you!

Category: My Passion | Comments Off

April 5 2020

My Passion!

Dear Survivor,

What does it mean to unveil? Well, the standard definition of unveiling is to remove a veil or other covering from; display; reveal. (Dictionary.com) What are we unveiling as survivors, and how do we accomplish this ambitious goal? No doubt, the unveiling is a life long process, but we will never get to our desired destination if we never choose to retake control of our lives and allow ourselves to heal from the inside out. We are in control of the story we tell ourselves and others. This is going to look different for all of us. I do not have a perfect formula, and I am not here to judge you.

The unveiling process is painful, uncomfortable, emotional, and downright hard. I like to think about my life in chapters. For example, in my early thirties, I was sexually assaulted. What if I would have closed the book of my life there? That chapter would have read- Nicole was raped, the end. I could not allow that earth-shattering trauma to dictate my life. I could not allow the perpetrator to hold onto the reins of my life, and ultimately control me like a puppet on his strings. In order for me to move forward, I had to figure out what my first move was going to be. I suffered from PTSD for years and then I decided to seek out therapy. Also, I knew I had a long road ahead of me and I needed something greater to believe in. I excepted a friend’s invitation to attend her church, and my life has never been the same. Although, this is not a Christian blog I do love Jesus with all of my heart and it is impossible for me to share my story, and offer encouragement without mentioning my spiritual life.

I have been on my healing journey for almost 10 years. Wherever you are on your journey is perfectly fine. However, it is the perfect time to start moving forward even if you have to do it afraid. I used to wonder who I would be without the security blanket of my pain. I don’t know about you, but I used to look at other survivors and wonder how did she move from a place of brokenness to wholeness. I must mention, wholeness does not mean that you will never have a bad day. It simply means that you are still in the fight and you are seeking unity with every part of yourself- mind, body, and soul. I read countless books about other women that made it to the other side of their pain. I was always left disappointed because they did not talk about the ups and downs of their journey. I did not understand why they were not authentic about how difficult the healing process is and how they overcome their trauma.

That’s why I am investing in you and your healing journey. We can all become overcomers and learn how to live again, together. I want to be open and honest with you about my journey. I had to unveil shame, self-hatred, self-blame, low self-esteem, an eating disorder, at-risk sexual behaviors, and so much more. I’m still on my journey, and I will be for the rest of my life, but every chapter gets a little sweeter. I would love the opportunity to encourage you along the way. You do not have to unveil alone. I will never judge you because I am you. I want you to know that I see you, I feel you, and I believe you. This unveiling journey was birthed out of my pain, and it would be selfish if I did not come back and show you the way.

Let’s take off the mask of who we think we have to be in this world. It is the ideal time to unveil from the effects of our past traumas. Let’s unveil together!

Imperfectly yours,

Nicole